November 30, 2017
Grieving and Mourning through the Holidays
The holidays come with traditions and memories that can embrace us with warmth or depress us. For the grieving person, it can be one of the other or both. Each person mourns in their own way, and as long as needed. Eventually, the pain fades, but never goes away. Today, I wish to speak to those who are in the early stages of mourning.
These are only suggestions to help you get through the month, of December, though applicable to any holiday or anniversary. If you are in the first year, the sadness is almost unbearable. You might be aware of this tugging numbness in your body. It’s your friend. I call it our invisible safety cloak. It is what keep us going, during that first year, and comes in handy during each first occasion you will spend without that loved one.
In my life, I have lost almost everyone, and am aware how grieving is a personal matter. I have though acquired a few rituals that have aided me throughout my life. As a spiritual counselor, I shared these rituals with clients, who had remarkable success. I hope some of these will help you during your grieving period.
1.The love one(s) Altar.
After my husband died, I created an altar with the table. I am a holiday freak, so decided to continue, in honor of him. You can see from the photo above how I did it.
An Altar can be anything or placed anywhere. I found using my creative mind helped me to move through the pain of him not being there with me. Twelve years later, I still create an altar for him.
2. The Letter (s) to the Love One
It can be one letter, or one per day or as many as you wish. Write or type out your note about how you two spent the holidays. Who you spent it with? The most enjoyable times. You can creatively think of other suggestions. This suggestion is splendid, and am grateful I did. Keeps our memories intact. No we don’t forget, but we do forget little moments. You can do the letter for all occasions and non-occasions
3. Having An Open Conversation over Their Favorite Beverage.
This one is my favorite, for it is simple and offers me the ability to talk to whoever I am seeking. I pour their favorite drink and set it on my table, along with my beverage. For me, it is usually coffee. I sit down with paper and pen, and I just start talking to them. I pour out my soul and then become quiet. The majority of the time I sense something. I know they are present. I drink my beverage in silence and listen. If I get some word, hunch or goosebumps I write it down. You can this as long as you wish, and as often. I suggest the table, not your bed if this is your mate. It’s easier to keep the mind steady.
These kept me going through my first year as a widow. I still use them.
I love this one. Invite them to go for a walk with you. Preferably in the country, especially where there is little traffic. Just walk and sense them beside you walking. Perhaps they are holding your hand. You can walk in silence, speak mentally to them, or talk out loud. I do this when the depression hits For me, it brought relief to know I don’t walk alone.
I hope these suggestions will help you. I know the pain is unbearable, but these can help take some of it away for a few minutes. Each one of these always put a smile on my face, and bring me peace of mind.
My you walk peacefully