December 7, 2017
My blogs are written to challenge me to stop this insanity. It feels as if the world deserted me, but in reality, it didn’t. My precious life with hubby and family is gone. We lived a way that fit us. Open Door Policy. I brought people home when I worked as a Methadone counselor, and our door was open to exes people who had nobody and those who became part of our family. I was fortunate to marry someone like me, or was I?
Since his death, twelve years ago, I can count on one hand people that lived as we did. I was shocked at how easy it is to let a friend sit by herself on any holiday. As the years passed, this trait became more common than how my husband and I lived. We were the rarety. This year a pain shot through me. One I haven’t felt in awhile. That knife puncturing sensation, as tears rolled down your cheeks. You look around, as you debate to go by yourself to Boston Market Restaurant or cook a chicken. That was me this year. As I pulled the chicken out of the crockpot, and moved my laptop, with the present manuscript showing, to the side, I ate my dinner and cried.
I am grateful for this harsh wake-up call. Not everyone is holiday orientated. I am. This past Thanksgiving I decided to be honest with myself I am a holiday person. I’m contagious. My holiday spirit rubs off on others. “What went wrong,” I asked myself? “What went wrong?”
To survive being a widow, and without family, I soothed myself with its okay to be left out. This is how life is. It is in this mindset that created the majority of my years, since my husband’s death. As I put the dishes into the hot sudsy water, a thought came to me. Could I carry on our life path? Could I?
In my book, A Life or Death Situation, I commented on what happens to the joint life path we shared. I then remembered the dream I had, where he revealed to me, he is traveling in the same direction. This dream indicated our soul path is still the same. Am I to do this? Can I do it alone?
Putting the last dish in the dishwasher, I grabbed my tarot cards and asked, how can I carry on our life path?
It was at this point that I realized I have to stop surviving. I need to take back my life, with the help of Divine and my spirit group. I will not spend another holiday season alone. I will buy a house and once again start the open door policy.
Stop surviving. Stop waiting for the world to change so that you can fit into its glove. Be true to your inner child, spirit and your life path.
My collage to create my vision started with one picture. Though it doesn’t have to be that house, it represented the concept. I need many rooms to host people. They can come to visit, write, draw, paint, play music or whatever they like. They will feel welcome. I’m carrying on the life path shared by husband, which now is our soul path.
Enclosed is the link to the book mentioned. This book is about an intervention that kept me alive. If you know someone, or perhaps yourself, who is depressed, or grieving this book could be the peace of mind they need.